5. That distracting light that makes your screen difficult to read is actually sun, giver of life. It's okay if some of it gets on you.

6. Human warmth cannot be transmitted via ASCII text, and fondling your mouse does not replace physical contact. Have you hugged your pizza delivery guy today?

7. That sack of potatoes you call a butt once had muscles in it. The next time you're surfing procreation-related websites, try some comparative analysis.

8. Tape a picture of yourself as a teenager to your monitor. Remember skin tone? Remember your waistline? Remember when you could tie your shoes without grunting?

9. Living on a diet of Hotpockets and Pepsi is nutritional equivalent of watching a three day Baywatch marathon. Try eating something that was grown in soil, not Pyrex.

10. Crank up Elvis and SHAKE IT!

The Boss' voice says "Thanks for your order Mike and I'll see you Thursday night at eight." Now you have to explain how you spent $83 before breakfast and scroll back up to top of email to click "Play" again to demonstrate process to her and see toothbrush motion freeze when Bruce Sprinsteen uses your name during video.

Don't be surprised if you get an email like this within coming weeks. Personalization, music, video, catalogs localization and overnight delivery for products in your own interest areas will be norm within year as advertisers, marketing companies and business begin using latest available technology for email. (If you allow it and privacy concerns are addressed sufficiently by businesses adopting available tools.)

The above technology was highlighted last week at Washington State Convention Center in Seattle by businesses demonstrating at Direct Marketing Association show titled "net.Marketing 2001". The DMA show was halted early by an 11am earthquake that rattled downtown area and shook us all up more than new technology did. Rock and roll took on a different meaning than that provided by Boss.

But we all emerged unscathed by rumbling of nature to contemplate ways to harness latest in compression and embedded rich media in email. Privacy concerns will clearly be biggest hump to dump if companies expect to use these tools effectively while addressing consumer worries and finding ways to adequately protect sensitive information from third parties.

Here's an email from Ed McMahon and Publishers Clearing House! How long will it take me to get used to celebrities addressing me by my own name and playing my favorite music as background to those personalized videos?