A writer friend of mine just forwarded me an email that someone has just sent her. She’s a brand new writer, has a column going in her local paper, and really enjoys writing. The email she was sent is as follows, only
name of person sending it has been changed: “Dear Columnist,
Recently word ‘butt’ was used in one of your columns. That word is inappropriate, in poor taste, crude, and offensive. The fact that it is used on tv does not change a thing. I appreciate your being able and interested in writing and would like for it to be above reproach.
Best to you.
Ward Cleaver”
She wants to know what I think of it, and what would be most appropriate way to respond.
As I sit here pondering her request, full range of potential responses seems to be these:
1. The immature response. This is one you’d go with if you fired back an immediate, gut check-like response. You’d tell guy that he should find some “Barney” reruns to spend his time watching and then imply that he must be a real firecracker in most other aspects of his personal life. You’d then close it out with a reminder that this is a free country and that he was free (and encouraged) to read something other than your column in future.
2. The sarcastic approach. Tell reader that you’ll try to do better in future, and that slip up in column is easily explainable. Then, go into how you and your friends went out drinking night before, entered a “Who Can Cuss The Best” contest at a local bar, and that carry over from that slipped into your column when you wrote it next day. Promise your reader that it’ll never happen again, as you definitely want to live your life “above reproach,” and then swear to watch twenty episodes of “The Brady Bunch” as penance.
3. The politician’s approach. Take no responsibility for your wording by telling reader that you actually wanted to use term “heiny,” “tookus”, or “twin pink apples,” but were prevented from doing so by your editor. Then, go into great detail about your “poor as Job’s turkey” upbringing, adding that it was hard for you to learn proper language usage skills because you grew up in a shack with seventeen brothers and sisters. Close by offering to let offended reader write a guest column in place of yours next week, recommend to them some web sites offering free government programs and money, and each Arbor Day from here on out faithfully send them a pine tree seedling.
