He's been around since dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than world's oldest profession. He's been loathed and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and hot dog vendors.

I am speaking, of course, of public nuisance.

He was that slithery dude in Garden of Eden, taunting folks to shoplift. "Go on. Take a bite of apple. The grocer will never know it's misssssing."

Even in caveman days, public nuisance was one who would always have a practical joke to play on somebody. "Hee, hee. Thag not looking. I go paint his fire green so it look like bush. He no be able to find fire. Hee, hee. OUCH! Ooh. Ooh. Yowwww. That hot!"

He is opinionated loudmouth who can't keep his trap shut. "I told Caesar Coliseum should be built on west side of town. 'Caesar,' I said. 'The Coliseum should be built on west side of town.' But did he listen to me? No-o. Did he build Coliseum on west side of town? No-o."

"So...that's why lions are drooling on other side of that door?"

"Ah...well, yes, actually."

The public nuisance is that whiner who can't stop complaining about weather. "Aw, c'mon Leonardo. Why don't you invent something useful, for a change? Like better weather."

"What's wrong with weather?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong?! It's too cold when I want it to be too hot. It's too hot when I want it to be too cold. It rains when I work in fields. It gets dry when crops need rain. And did you see how wind blew other night..."

The public nuisance has been with us throughout ages, playing music too loud in public places.

"What's that racket?"

"I think some teenagers are playing their lutes a little loud."

"Well how's a middle-aged lady supposed to get any sleep around here?"

"But what can I do?"

"You're a knight, for goodness sake. Get your horse and your lance and run them down. "

Yes, that pillar of society that has been with us since that slithery dude threw humanity for a curve in Garden of Eden – that cornerstone of society has been automated.

I am speaking, of course, of public nuisance ( I wrote about him in Part 1 at http://www.thehappyguy.com/nuisance1.html . )

No longer do pests have to come around in restaurants and train stations and villages singing loudly and playing their harpsichords. We now have machines to do that for us – machines like televisions and radios and elevator muzak and backfiring Mustangs.

In olden days, you could just throw a brick at a public nuisance, and that would usually shut him up for two minutes – five if brick hit its mark.

But it's harder to throw a brick at a TV, because bar owners send bloodthirsty lawyers after you, something old-fashioned public nuisances knew nothing about. And how can you throw a brick at shadowy creature producing elevator muzak?

So it was inevitable that some guy named Mitch Altman would invent a high-tech way to neutralize those high-tech public nuisances. It's an infrared keychain called TV-B-Gone that shuts off intrusive TVs remotely.

"Hey I was watching that show," calls out six-foot-four, burly guy at bar. "Whoever zapped my show has five second to unzap it., or I'll get off this stool." Oh, well. I suppose there are still a few technical adjustments to tinker with.

But I was thinking, "Hey. I could invent something useful like that. I could invent a high-tech brick to shut down those high-tech public nuisances for at least five minutes." So I did.

First, I set out to defeat muzak. I invented a device called Automated Elevator Hostage Taker. I was so excited, I decided to take it for a test drive. I found a really high building and headed straight for elevator.

Half way up, I activated my Automated Elevator Hostage Taker. "Aha!" I called out. "We have your elevator hostage. If you shut muzak off, we will release it unharmed."

The other passengers looked at me like I had a purple horn growing out of one ear.

"I said, turn off muzak and your elevator won't be harmed."