Title: Empty Nest Syndrome Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 794 Category: Spiritual Growth, Emotional Healing

EMPTY NEST SYNDROME Dr. Margaret Paul

Paula’s last child had just gone off to college and Paula was struggling with a deep inner emptiness. While she knew this day was coming, she was not really prepared for intense hollowness that welled up within. After all, she had a life of her own. Her work as an occupational therapist, which she had gone back to after all her three children were in school, was fulfilling to her. She was fortunate in having been able to schedule her time to be home when her children came home from school so she could take them to their various activities. Paula had been a loving and devoted mother and was very proud of her children. She had been looking forward to this time for herself and her husband, but now that it was here, Paula felt lost.

It’s not that she didn’t have things she loved to do. She was a talented and athletic woman and had many creative and physical activities that she enjoyed. She and her husband had a good relationship with a wide circle of friends they often spent social time with. So, why this emptiness?

Paula sought my help when she realized that she was slipping into depression.

“I just can’t figure out what’s wrong,” she stated in our first session together. “My marriage is fine, my work is fine, I have lots of friends and activities I enjoy. I don’t understand why I’m feeling so unhappy.”

I asked Paula to tune inside to unhappy part of her and let this part of her speak. “Imagine that unhappy part of you is a child within. There is some very good reason this inner child is feeling so unhappy, and you need to ask her. Start out with asking her how she feels about you as inner parent.”

There can be many factors at play here. We become more easily stressed when we are tired or unwell. But with all things being equal it is what we think about a situation that will determine whether we are stressed by it or not.

For example, let's look at two people waiting for a phone call from a potential romantic interest and how differently they respond when they do not receive phone call.

Person A starts to fret and draws many conclusions about why person hasn't called and will most likely start to think about all times in past that they have been let down in a similar manner. They might start to think things like - "men never call when they say they will, there must be something wrong with me because no one wants to go out with me, men are totally unreliable, no one is ever going to want to go out with me again etc." With all these negative thoughts and self-talk, person A is likely to become stressed, depressed and/or defensive.

Person B on other hand simply thinks that potential caller forgot, were busy or changed their minds. They may feel a little disappointed that phone call did not occur but they do not get involved in a lot of negative thinking and simply let it go and get on with their day.