The 7 Stages of a Romantic RelationshipMichelle L. Casto, M.Ed. There are seven stages in a romantic relationship: avoidance, meeting, dating, breaking up, establishing exclusivity, commitment, and keeping
love you find. Each of these stages vary in length and intensity. At each stage, there are thoughts and feelings telling you what to do and when to do it. You need to learn to listen to your intuition in each stage, so that you can make smart decisions. It is important to note that breaking up stage can happen at any time within other stages; i.e., at any time you or other person decides to exit relationship for whatever reason. In all seven stages, you always have these choices:
1. Continue moving forward 2. Stagnate 3. Slow down or go backwards 4. Exit
By taking notice of signals from your head and heart, you will be better able to interpret what your intuition is telling you. At each stage, consider, “What am I thinking and feeling?” Are you receiving conflicting messages? Is your head saying one thing and your heart another? This is often case, particularly in romantic relationships. What happens is there is an agreement error, a contrast between your thoughts and your feelings. This is perfectly normal. Just remember that you have your very own internal system of checks and balances. This system was designed to keep you safe. For moment, it is temporarily out of order, probably due to stimulation overload. So, before making any decision at this time, go somewhere quiet’ answers will come with reflection and focus. Once answer comes, you should act quickly so you do not have time to doubt your decision. You should never feel trapped or unable to choose what is right for you. If at any time you do feel this way, then that is a good sign that something is not right with relationship. You then need to examine what it is that is holding you back. If it turns out to be other person, you are probably better off leaving relationship. A smart way to make important stage decisions is to mutually agree on what to do next. After all, “if it is meant to be, it will be,” so you may as well start out making important decisions together. Couples who have good relationships know that it takes time to build their love. They make a conscious effort to progress slowly and purposefully through each stage, enjoying process, while allowing their love to develop naturally. Communicating with each other is essential to this process. You should be open and honest about your concerns and fears, so that you can trust that everything has been said and understood by both parties. Even if you find that things aren’t what you would have hoped for, at least you know what is going on and then you can work on making it better.
Levels of Love Most of us have experienced love blindness. We either think we love someone or do not realize until it is too late that we actually did love someone. You do not have to be blinded by love. You have power to recognize it, but you must use smart decision-making skills to avoid making fatal relationship mistakes. In this section, work on waking up your awareness so that you will act in “knowing.” The first step is to become familiar with stages of relationships and corresponding levels of love that you or your partner will most likely experience. Relationship Avoidance Stage “I do not desire love” Goal: to prepare yourself for love Characterized by non-interest Meeting Stage “I am open to finding love” Goal: to prospect for possibility of love in others Characterized by anticipation Dating Stage “I hope to find love” Goal: to pre-qualify for a potential partner Characterized by uncertainty
