In one of many exercises, Dr. Phil talks about "tapes" playing in our heads: "Think of a big tape player in your head playing a continuous loop. The message that is repeated over and over becomes so well learned that it becomes an automatic belief. It's time to go into slow motion for a few minutes and get in touch with what you've been telling yourself. It's time to talk about your tapes."

Dr. Phil then asks, "What are your tapes playing?"

So I want to ask you: =>What tapes are running through your head regarding your clutter, possessions, and stuff?

=>What tapes are running through your head regarding your hoarding or packrat of things?

=>What tapes are playing in your head that cause you to continue to bring unnecessary items into your life?

=>What tapes are running through your head when you continue to buy, buy, buy?

=>What tapes are playing in your head when you continue to add more to-do's to your list?

Maybe.... ...You grew up during The Great Depression Era where a piece of twine was as valuable as a piece of fresh fruit and was told that you must save EVERYTHING!.

...You were told to never throw anything away that still had "life" in it, "just in case," or it's still good for something.

...You were told to NEVER part with a gift given to you - that you must always keep that gift out where giver will always see it.

...You feel you're not good enough for anybody or anything and your possessions temporarily fill your emptiness.

...You are buried in pain and sadness from past.

...You feel shame, failure, or embarrassment from all your clutter and hoarding.

...You feel unimportant or undesired.

OR MAYBE you were told you would NEVER have anything!

Then you're A VICTIM

Dr. Phil goes on to say that we need to name our pain, reveal pain so we can move forward. We have all been a victim of something. Some wrong doing to our bodies. Some wrong talk of our being. Some injustice to our way of thinking or dealing with stuff.

Discovering who or what victimized you can be a powerful release for you, but how do you find it?

Try answering questions below honestly and to best of your ability. Write your answers out. Let pain and sadness pour out on paper. Cry, scream, let it out, and let it go!

=>Who might have hurt you or what deep sadness have you been carrying around? =>What are you keeping locked up deep down inside you? =>What secrets are you carrying around with you and possibly using your "stuff" to hide behind? =>When are you going to open up to yourself? Will today be day? =>When were you a victim? =>What was done or not done to you? =>What was given or not given to you? =>What was said or told to you over and over again? =>Where is all anger, fear, and pain coming from? Is it something you've never dealt with? =>Why won't you talk to yourself or someone about it? =>How are you going to deal with it?

Every Sunday in spring and summer an acquaintance I have goes out all day to yard sales. It's her ritual, her habit, and "thing" she does on Sunday. She's addicted! She's really looking for something to feed her Spirit and Soul, make her feel good, change her life, get what she wants; all while, all around her she is drowning in clutter.

Many of things we do, think, say, and way we act or react is out of habit. Most of time we are totally unaware of these actions, thoughts, or sayings because they are so ingrained into our fiber of being, or we are in some kind of pain.

If you want to correct, change, or replace a habit, you must first become aware of old habit and replace it with a more desirable habit.

To break an unwanted habit, such as hitting yard sales every Sunday or shopping till you drop, I feel you must look deep within yourself to discover true reason you are "spending" like there's no tomorrow, or bringing home stuff you really have NO need or space for! You must admit you have a habit that is undesirable, and be committed to changing.

Getting "sober" or becoming more mindful of your actions and undesirable habits will help you become more aware of what you are buying, saving, or hoarding, and why. It will allow you to be more in tune with yourself, and cause you to stop and listen. Hopefully you can correct habits of "shopping till you drop, piling up, saving everything for someday, or just in case."

For one whole day, be as conscious as possible of ALL your actions, thoughts, and sayings towards your clutter, your shopping, and of saving stuff; from time your eyes open to close and all time in between. Pay close attention to emotional causes of your clutter behavior and what effect it is having on you and possibly those around you. Question yourself; ask why you do things you do.

What is your Spirit and Soul lacking, or what fears do you have that you feel you must buy, collect, or hoard in order to replace that "lack" or feed that fear?

Many times I have arrived at a clients home or office where it is not uncommon that they start sobbing and pleading for my help.

As I work with clients, I get to know a lot about them and their life. Being an "old-hat" at this I can usually see or sense what their "true" problem is. Not wanting to invade what little privacy they have left, I usually wait for them to discover or confess what has brought them close to point of no return. What has made them into a "shop till you drop," "a collector of things," "a pack-rat," a QVC junkie, or a "just in case" clutter person.

It always comes down to, in one way or another; their Spirit and Soul, aren't being feed, fear, or both.

Four Top Emotional Reasons for Your Clutter:

1. Your Spirit, body, and mind aren't getting any love, intimacy, or attention.

2. You over compensate because you had little growing up, so you want it now and you want your children to have it all too!

3. You have fear or guilt of getting rid of things that were given to you.

4. You have so much pain and sadness you think all your stuff will make it better - it doesn't!

Is your clutter holding you hostage because of your fear of letting go, fear of not being loved, fear of not being a good parent?

What emotional reason is causing your clutter problems? What are you doing that might be replacing something missing in your life? Maybe you aren't even aware of it yet. Stop and really think on this. Ask yourself WHY you do things you do. Be honest with yourself. It's not always easy, I know. This question can open up a lot of other questions and/or painful memories.

Once you become aware of WHY, you can start to move forward and discover HOW. How can you change these habits, rituals, and compulsions?

Just like an addict, you need to start rehabilitating your life. Why not correct emotional lacking or fear, and replace addiction of clutter with sobriety of getting rid of your clutter?

For next 31 days, every time you start to bring something into your life - STOP - and ask yourself, "Why do I feel I need this? Why do I want this? What is it replacing in my life? What has just happened; what did I just feel (or not feel), or think that makes me WANT this?

For next four issues of Balance issue of OverHall IT! we will examine emotional reasons that might be cause of your clutter. Please remember that these are top four EMOTIONAL reasons I've come across with clients. If you have any others that you would like to share, please email me.

This month let's take a closer look at Emotional Reason number 1.

Love, Intimacy, and Attention:

"I don't have anyone to love me," or "My partner and I barely talk, let alone have relationships," or "I keep bringing things into home and piling up, and then I get noticed, I get some attention, although it's usually negative attention." I hear things like this ALL time,

Any of those sound familiar?

Let's do a little exercise.

Answer questions below honestly, and write them down.

1. Do you love yourself, and what do you love about yourself?