Having felt quite down in therapy, Frank learned to work on his difficult marriage, and to begin to redefine his own talents and potential. One night Frank talked about a remarkable insight: "I was sitting in salesroom at work, and suddenly I had an "aha" moment. I realized that I'm definitely not a salesman at heart. I love managing, and that is what I should be doing. Instead, I've been trying to fit myself into wrong role for years and years. I can see now that I tried to become a salesman because I thought that was best road to earn money. My father had been a traveling salesman, and I swallowed his definition about what a father should be, and what a husband should be. Now I see that all those 'should bes' were killing my soul.

I've already started to think about new job opportunities at work. I actually think that there might be a spot for me in another area, so that I won't have to change companies."

Frank was beginning to recognize his own needs, in this case in terms of his workday fulfillment. He is an example of someone on road to personal enchantment, because he was willing to define his needs, and he was willing to change.

My enchanted self was beginning to emerge, unpeeling as an onion is unpeeled, layer by layer. This is important because I think so many of us shy away from our innermost positive feelings perhaps as much as we do from dark shadows around us. The search for The Enchanted Self is intimate in revealing and it's scary -- and maybe people really won't understand or appreciate it. Maybe we have to fight through shame or humiliation before we find it. Maybe we won't understand or give credit to our own enchanted selves when we do! That would be most violating thing of all, if I were to find my own enchanted self and then discard it. If I can't have it anymore, because I thrown it out.

One of my first self-discoveries was recognizing my lost capacities for engaging with people without being paid. As I interviewed women I realized how much fun I was having, how I felt on equal footing and yet privileged to be hearing their stories, how "female" I felt and how connected. I loved this wonderful opportunity to have time with women that was not social time and yet not work time, either. I began to realize how hungry I had been for this kind of "at ease time" with women. My childhood had pushed me away from such time with women. After all, I had to get out, to get going, to be competent and, often, competitive, not connected.